MEMPHIS
1990...FRIDAY NIGHT...8 PM. ME, BARELY OUT OF ARKANSAS
ALL MY SHIT scattered out on the side of the highway...being
searched & picked through...when HERE COMES the MAN!... the biggest black
cop I've ever seen...there must have been 7 feet of him stuffed in his uniform,
the buttons straining at the thread . . . he looked rather like a giant burned
sausage . . . in a smoky bear hat.
His hands were big as baseball mitts. Picture
a gigantic chocolate soft serve ice cream cone, with a Bo Diddly’s head
hurriedly stuck on top.
Either I was in a great deal of
trouble . . . or guest starring in a twilight zone. Neither would serve me
happiness.
THERE HE WAS, the posterchild for “black men with badges who
turn on their own kind once they put on a uniform”…acting all joyous & joke
crackin’...holding my huge bag of weed and the 357 magnum way up in the
strobing blue lights for his little sheriff buddies to see...EUREKA!...BINGO!!
He has…
“LOcated the EVidence
in the suspect’s “VEEchle!”...”HEEHaw!”
He was doing a little jiggy victory dance...like some idiot
on the price is right......(he got so excited, he even had to put down his
family size bag of “hot fries” he was goin’ at
when he got the call on the radio…)
I WAS literally 5 minutes away from me mates house...who
were literally having a "Let's cheer up ole Vern" party....I'd make
it there alright , just a short four days later...but hell, I'm getting way
ahead of myself....
WILL: "Hello?"
ME: "Will! Man
I'm............."
WILL:" Verrrn! Where the hell
are you man? Everybody's waitin’
on you!"
ME: "Will, I'm in JAIL! Let me talk to Clay right NOW! PLEASE!"
WILL: (hollerin’ over his shoulder to
the rambunctious crowd awaiting me, their guest of honor) "Vern sez
he's in jail! Ha ha ha ha oh, buddy...heh heh…whew! No kidding Vern, where the
hell are you?"
ME: "GODDAMMIT Will…Listen! this is my one phone
call...I'm, no shit, downtown, in jail...no kidding, I'm in some real
trouble...now, would you please...very kindly, put Clay on the FUCKING
PHONE!?"
WILL: "Vern says
he wants to talk to Clay"...(trailing off)
CLAY: "heh heh
heh....VERRRN! Where the hell are you man?"
ME: (banging my head on the payphone
now) "Clay! Listen man........"
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